Can you believe it?

From Henri Nouwen’s journal:

You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, “Do you love me?” You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.

You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and leave the rock on which your house is built.

You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you do not feel it. Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, “God loves me, and God’s love is enough.” You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.

Slimey Morning

I think I've about stopped sweating! I love it when you get out of the shower and you still sweat. Oh well, I suppose it's fresh and clean sweat.

I was sweating because I went on a short run this morning. The dew point must be really high today. This weather is weird and crazy, but it's all we got. Enjoy! It sure is nice sitting in an air-conditioned office now.

Yesterday afternoon, around 4.30, I began a 50 mile bike ride. Talk about hot! I need lots of training time/miles in the heat in preparation for riding across Indiana. It will take all day literally, so I know I am going to have to endure the heat of the afternoon sun. Yesterday I rode about 20 miles and then met up 7-8 other riders. They were doing a 32 mile ride, including a pace line. You can read about all that HERE. They pace line at crazy speeds, so I usually avoid it. Looks like we will develop a slower line in future, and I will do that.

I enjoyed the ride out and back in with the guys. I turned around near Bromer and made my way back to the place of finish for the pace line. After they finished, we all rode in together. Then we went to Wendy's and had a nice time of replenishing.

It looks like I am going to try do an 80 mile ride tomorrow. I am hoping to meet up with some others for part of it. I will start early to beat some of the heat.

This evening I am speaking at a church in Bloomington and am looking forward to it. I need to get busy preparing for that.

While not everything is fine (note the date on the paper), I was relieved this morning to find that I back up all my files in January of 2010. This is good news! This means I've only lost about a year and half worth of stuff. Included in the files backed up were all my website files. One of my "soft" goals for this summer was to get my Honduras website back in order. Having these files will help a lot.

OK time to carry on with all this stuff.

Summer Reading

Summer is a great time to read, so here are some of the books that I plan to consume. I have my Kindle on the stack, and it has a couple also. Several of these books were given to me. I prefer to read on my Kindle, but "real" books are fine too.

Some of the books are fairly serious stuff, some are about technology, and some are about biking. Some will require quiet attention, and others will read on the beach or in front of the TV.

24 hours late

The post below was written 24 hours ago, but I could not get it to post. I finally figured out that blogger had made some changes but didn't tell me. ha ha. The frustration of not posting yesterday was consistent with everything else yesterday associated with trying to rebuild my computing life. Patience!

Moving Forward

Here we go! New week! Summer! I hope I can adjust quickly to the new schedules and atmosphere that the absence of school creates. Having to rebuild all my computer contacts and other things just adds to the newness of it all. I suppose if something like this has to happen, then this is a good time for it.

Yesterday morning I went out to my pond to watch the sun rise and to think through my sermon, which included a little whine about my computer problems. As I was thinking through the computer problem, I heard a bird in the tree above me tweet a tweet of relief. Splat! His relief manifested itself on my head and leg. I just laughed. What else you going to do?

We are a great weekend! It was tiring but very enjoyable. All of our kids were in to watch Rebecca graduate. As the Salutatorian she lead the packed gym in the Pledge of Allegiance. She did well - didn't mess up the words or anything! ha ha. She was nervous. Graduation went well, and it was followed by Rebecca's graduation party in our church gym. She and Melissa Wilson had a combined party with lots of food and people. It was a very pleasant experience.

Saturday and yesterday we enjoyed our children and attended several graduation open houses. It was all good! This week is going to be different. Today I, along with 2 comrades, are going on the radio to promote Help Build Hope, then a 5 mile run, then computer reconstruction, lunch meeting, help put up hay (square bales), followed by a bike ride. I had 125 bike miles last week. This week I need to find the time for a 75 mile ride. It will take about 5 hours.

OK, that's enough for now. I need to go eat breakfast and get going...

Lost a lot

Well, the diagnosis is complete. All of my computer files are in such a mess that they cannot be retrieved. Ouch! The doc is wiping everything off and starting all over. Gone are all of my files that have not been backed up in the past (and it's been over a year because I had a program that automatically backed-up; it failed also), all my Outlook contacts (no one's email addresses now), old correspondence saved to respond to, all future events on my calendar (I hope I don't miss something crucial), and a bunch of other things I have not thought of yet.

Here's the deal: no one is hurt and no one is dead. That's my mantra in times like these. Life goes on, and there are lots of blessings to count. One of the things that will be helpful in rebuilding life as I knew it is that I have moved a lot of stuff to web-based sites and the way communication has changed. I address that in This Post. I use Facebook a lot now and am using Twitter more, along with texting.

Today I am working at home, preparing a sermon on patience. Wow, what timing. I am multi-tasking as well. I am smoking meat for Rebecca's graduation party, which is right after graduation on Friday night. Last night during the awards ceremony it was revealed that Rebecca is the Salutatorian of her class. I think that means she stands up at graduation and, using a Hee Haw voice, says "Salute!" to the crowd.

OK, back to working on patience. I wish I would hurry up and get it!

Sick Computer

Sorry about my absence from here the last few days. My computer is really really sick. The doc told me that I may lose everything - all contacts, all docs, etc. I think I have all important things backed up, but losing all my Outlook contacts would be a major pain. I am hoping for a miracle!

Without my computer, which has all my scheduled activities and everything else I need to live (so I exaggerate!), I am wandering around aimlessly. Not really. I do have this fear that I am going to miss something major...

I had a good long weekend. The personal highlight involved biking. I had 90 miles for the week last week, and then on Monday I rode my first Metric Century which is 100 kilometers which is 62 miles. I did well on the ride. I rode over to Bedford, taking a very long route, and connected with my friends over there, and then we rode back to south of Mitchell and back. I had trouble staying with them. They are fast! I rode back to the intersection of 50/37 and then came back to the Mitchell area to complete my ride. I am trying to getting for RAIN - Ride Across INdiana (156 miles).

OK, I guess I better start heading upstairs. It's the last day of school for Ben and Kedra, and we have a big celebratory breakfast. Rebecca is already finished and looks forward to graduation Friday night. While Rebecca is finishing school, Kedra is starting school. She already has a bachelor's degree, so she is going to take classes to get her teacher's license. She has really enjoyed her work at school this year. The administration has been very encouraging/supportive in regard to her going back to school. I'm very proud of her!

Pray for my computer!