Forgiveness

That’s a word charged with all kinds of thought and emotions, a word used and misused all the time. We can think about it in all kinds of ways. Henri Nouwen, as usual, gives me something to think about. Let’s think along with Henri:

How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive!

Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us. The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts.

I think of forgiveness as having to absorb pain, loss, and/or injustice, all with a view of hoping for reconciliation and peace, a relationship restored. That is not always possible. It takes two, and sometimes only one wants it. God knows all about that, doesn’t he? His offer of relationship, based on forgiveness, always awaits. Can we say the same?